


Jealousy

by arcana



Series: Volleyball au where cis people are rare and everything is mostly alright [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Kageyama, Agender Koushi, M/M, Trans boy Hinata, tbh yachi's probably a trans girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2491670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcana/pseuds/arcana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So maybe Kageyama is a little jealous. Forgetting anything deeper for a moment, Hinata is the first good, steady friend ey’ve had in years. It’s not like Kageyama wants to monopolize his attention, but it gets <i>hard</i>. Hinata doesn’t need Kageyama like ey need him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> i know i said my next fic wouldn't be volleyball and this was going to be t2 but then i got this prompt from an anon: after the comment (ch 74 p 16) about the strength of hinata's communication skills & him being able to make friends easily, which we're going to assume kageyama hears somehow, kageyama starts to get super insecure about their friendship because hinata doesn't need kageyama like kag. needs hinata--hinata can make new friends whenever, but hinata is the first close friend kageyama has had in years. and then do whatever you want with that!  
> feel free to send me more prompts at shimizuraiko i'm always looking for s/t to write  
> i wasn't sure whether they wanted me to make this actually kagehina so i kind of left it out to be safe! sorry if that's what you wanted ahh

Kageyama would never eavesdrop on one of eir upperclassman’s conversations. People eir age may be a different story, but ey have enough brain power to know how respect works, and especially in Sugawara’s case, ey know not to do anything that would be considered rude.

However, sound travels so well in the gym, with its wide, unobstructed interior and curved roof, that no matter how far away ey are from everyone else, ey don’t have to strain to hear what they’re saying. It doesn’t help, either, that they’re talking about the one person ey tend to focus what could be called a majority of eir attention on. 

“That’s the strength of Hinata’s communication skills,” Sugawara says, almost in wonder, watching the two young first years jump up and down excitedly. “He and Yachi are already getting along swimmingly.” 

Asahi nods next to them. “He was friendly with Nekoma’s setter from the get-go too…” 

Kageyama closes eir eyes and breathes deeply for a second. Ey don’t dislike either of them. In fact, ey’d go as far as to say ey like Yachi, and ey admire Kozume’s intelligence and skill as a setter. What’s causing eir… _irritation_ is exactly what Asahi had said. Hinata had been in Kozume’s and Yachi’s presence for no more than a few minutes before they all claimed friendship and were smiling and chatting happily together. It had taken Kageyama months to even consider being friends with Hinata, although from there it was a steep downward spiral, and even then, there are times where Kageyama almost regrets eir decision. 

So maybe Kageyama is a little jealous. Forgetting anything deeper for a moment, Hinata is the first good, steady friend ey’ve had in years. It’s not like Kageyama wants to monopolize his attention, but it gets _hard_. Hinata doesn’t need Kageyama like ey need him. Ey’re sure that if the two of them never spoke again, Hinata wouldn’t have a problem moving on and finding someone else. He’d be sad, maybe, but he’d have friends there to comfort them. The sad truth of the matter is that Kageyama would most likely not. 

Ey take another deep breath, spin a ball in eir hands. Practice is probably not the best place to think about this, but whatever. Ey can’t help it now that ey’ve started. Tossing the ball up in the air, ey serve well over the net, too powerful when ey don't reign it in. Kageyama clicks eir tongue. Another terrible thing about em: ey have no idea how much is enough. At least ey had that in common with Hinata. People don't mind when he does it, though.

“Kageyama!” Eir name is called from somewhere to eir left, messing with eir next serve and causing the ball to drop to the ground in front of em. Ey whip toward eir caller ready with an angry glare but drop it when ey see Hinata is the one approaching em, Yachi in tow. Eir facial expressions have all but stopped being effective against him.

“What is it?” ey want to try to sound angry, but there's no basis for that. The things ey're thinking aren't something Hinata can control, it’s just a natural talent. “I was practicing serves, so hurry up.”

“You serve fine!” Kageyama can feel his energy, but for once it isn’t invigorating. “But anyway! I wanted to properly introduce you to Yachi. I know you guys met before with the notes and whatever, but now that she's joined the team I think it's important she knows who everyone is!”

“Hinata-kun...” Yachi finally speaks up, and she looks terrified. This just works to sour Kageyama's mood.

“It's fine, Yachi-san!” Hinata laughs. “This is first year Kageyama Tobio! I took the liberty of explaining your pronouns. You said you didn't mind, so?” Kageyama nods, and Yachi bows her head slightly, waves a little, looks more or less comforted. “Kageyama, this is Yachi Hitoka! Karasuno's new and youngest manager!”

Kageyama mumbles a “Nice to meet you” and bows more for Hinata's sake than anything else. Ey don't really understand why Hinata felt like he needed to do this, it was awkward and unnecessary, but it was Hinata, so ey could bear it.

Ey feel like ey should say something more, anything, but striking up conversation has never been a strong point. Instead, ey try to give Yachi eir nicest look, though ey don't smile, and then turns eir gaze to Hinata. “Do you mind if I...” Kageyama makes a vague gesture over eir shoulder, wanting to get back to volleyball, to comfortable territory.

“Actually,” Hinata says, and Kageyama feels eir stomach drop. “Can we maybe show Yachi-san our quick? Not the 'bwuh' one, the one that's all 'gwah!'?”

Kageyama hesitates, but any practice time with Hinata is usually good practice time, so ey agree. Hinata whoops in excitement then gets into position, and Kageyama follows suit. Ey pick a ball off the ground and have to ask Sugawara to clear off the side of the court ey're going to use. They agree right away and get on the sidelines along with Asahi and Tanaka, presumably to watch, and Kageyama's heart beats a little faster. Ey have always had an audience, so ey don't know what's wrong now, but ey ignore it.

Hinata makes his first move forward, and Kageyama gets eir hands into position. I In a short time, Hinata's halfway to the net, and Kageyama pushes up on the ball. It sits heavy, almost like it's refusing to move, and Kageyama frowns, pushing harder, higher. Ey know where Hinata will be in the next second, but the ball seems like it's taking forever to get there. Hinata pushes off the ground and jumps just like he normally does, and the ball makes contact with his hand just like it normally does, but the smack is not nearly as satisfying as all those other times they've pulled this off. Hinata lands back on the ground heavily and looks Kageyama's way immediately. The look in his eyes is confused, and Kageyama feels dread seep into skin. Hinata knows that wasn't normal, knows ey were off eir game, and most likely will not stand for it.

He looks like he's about to say something, too, but Yachi is rushing over and gushing, using words that sound like sounds and sounds that sound like words and Hinata gets caught up in it. Yachi fawns over Kageyama, too, and ey're glad she doesn't look scared and ey're grateful that she appreciates eir tosses, ey tell her as much, but ey feel absent. Eir eyes flick to Hinata's, but immediately look away. When their gazes meet, he looks _hurt_.

For once, Kageyama is glad for another person's distraction.

After that, thankfully, Hinata doesn't get a chance to talk to em. Suga asks to toss to him, to which he happily agrees, and they go to the other side of the net. Not before Suga throws Kageyama a look, though, which must mean they know. Most everyone else seems to be glancing at Kageyama out of the corner of their eyes, too, which makes em think that most of them know. It's not a shock; all of the team can be pretty observant when they want to, especially about volleyball, but it still bothers Kageyama.

Surprisingly, Kageyama talks to Yachi a bit more. Ey learn how she came to be the new manager, and ey learn a little about her personally too. In the end ey find her presence pretty enjoyable, but they're nowhere near how familiar she and Hinata are. Ey're ashamed to say it makes em a bit bitter.

When that thought arises, Kageyama excuses emself. Ey don't think it would be fair to Yachi to keep talking to her while being jealous, of all things. Ey know Hinata's eir friend, ey're lucky to have him. But with someone like Yachi around, so similar to Hinata in mannerism and energy level, it wouldn't be hard for him to be ripped out from under em, and then where would ey be?

Behind eir eyes feels hot and prickly. Kageyama picks up a volleyball and serves it, serves it, serves it again and that's all ey do for the rest of practice. It makes em feel marginally better. The sting of eir skin almost keeps eir mind off of other thoughts which shouldn’t even be there in the first place. They just won’t go away, though, so Kageyama manages to slip out of the gym early. Ukai probably notices, but he also probably noticed the quick earlier, so he doesn’t say anything. 

The club room is quiet with no one else in it. Kageyama sighs into eir locker. This isn’t supposed to be how it is. Ey knew what ey were getting into with Hinata. Ey don't think ey regret it.

Packing up takes em longer than usual. Ey're too preoccupied. Kageyama is pretty sure ey've thrown too much into eir take-home bag, but ey don't honestly think ey care. The clothes could probably use a wash, anyway. Ey just can't bother to differentiate between what ey do and don't need to take home, too eager to be back in the comfort of eir own home, alone, able to hear eir own thoughts. That's the one thing ey like about solitude, being able to hear emself think. Maybe ey could devise a plan to stop thinking dumb things about Hinata—

Speak of the devil, there's a loud creaking from the direction of the door, and Kageyama doesn’t even have to fully look to know it’s Hinata. Ey’re just zipping up eir bag and eyes are glaring holes into the side of Kageyama's face. Ey keep eir gaze on eir bag.

“Kageyama.” Hinata says calmly. Except it's that angry kind of calm, which, in Hinata, scares em. “What was that?”

“I don't know,” Kageyama mumbles, wanting to turn eir face away. Ey wish there were other people in the room right now. Maybe Hinata would have saved this talk for later. 

“I think we do,” Hinata offers, brighter than his last words, sounding kind of hopeful.

Kageyama doesn't say anything for a moment. Ey weigh eir options. On the one hand, ey could just Hinata and leave. That will no doubt make him pissed, and although a pissed Hinata is no fun, ey won't have to deal with eir problems. Ey could also give up and talk about eir problems, like eir supposed to, but that would mean opening up. Regardless, both of these options could cause Hinata to hate em, so was there really any difference?

Out of the corner of eir eye, ey see Hinata open his mouth to say something when ey take too long, but Kageyama and interrupts. “We should... go outside.” Ey need fresh air if ey’re going to do this.

Ey barely glance at Hinata before shuffling out of the room, but they manage to catch a glimpse of Hinata’s expression. It seemed like he expected Kageyama to put up a fight; ey normally would have. The only reason ey’re willing to do this right now is because it’s what _Hinata_ would do. When he has a problem he says something, doesn’t let it fester inside of him like Kageyama does. Maybe eir jealousy could actually help em for once.

Kageyama walks quickly, bag forgotten, Hinata a couple steps behind em. Both of them are quiet. On Kageyama’s part, ey just don’t want to lose eir nerve, but Hinata’s probably in some state of shock. They’ve never had a heart to heart thing like this might turn out to be before, and maybe he’s regretting asking in the first. Kageyama misses his usual burst of talkative energy, for once. 

There’s a grassy spot next to the clubhouse that they use to practice sometimes, and Kageyama stops there. Ey turn to Hinata, who does actually look kind of nervous, and Kageyama feels kind of bad. Ey wish ey could just control eir emotions better. Then maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation.

“So? Are you going to tell me what went wrong in there?” Hinata initiating actual confrontation is a bit surprising. Kageyama thinks ey should at least look at him, but eir eyes stayed firmly glued down. “We’re going to stay out here until we fix whatever that was. I know we have our problems but I don’t think I was the one that messed that up, so—”

“You’re not,” Kageyama speaks up, finally, and because this is eir fault. Hinata shouldn't have to be making the conversation here. “You’re not. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then what is it about?”

Kageyama slowly looks up to Hinata. Not right in his eyes, but close enough. It’s a start. “I just,” here goes nothing, ey guess. “I’m jealous, okay?”

“Of what?” He seems genuinely curious and it makes Kageyama feel worse. Of course Hinata would have no idea. 

“Of you.” Ey grit eir teeth. 

Hinata face bunches up angrily. “What do you have to be jealous of me for?”

Kageyama can feel him about to go on a rant about how tall and skilled ey are, so ey speak quickly. “Everything! Not your volleyball skills,” Kageyama winces internally; why does eir inadequacy have to come out _now_ , “but everything else! 

“You have so many friends, and you have so much motivation. You’re _adaptable_.” Ey huff, but look Hinata in the eye. “It’s frustrating! You’re so damned popular and so many people like you! Nekoma’s setter, Nekoma’s middle blocker. You made friends with that giant from Dateko without the guy even speaking! The team loves you not only for your skill but for your _personality_. I, on the other hand.” Kageyama gulps. “I have the team, I love the team. You’re my closest goddamned friend. But you don’t need me like I need you. Did you know that?” 

“Kageyama—”

“You’re close to everyone.” Kageyama needs to say this, and needs to do it right now. Ey’re this close to caving and running all the way back home, but ey at least want to get this out in the open air. “You’ll probably make dozens of new friends at whatever training camp we end up going to next. The only thing different about us is that we argue!”

“Friends can argue, Kageyama, and I’m allowed to have other ones!”

“I’m not saying you’re not!”

“Then what the hell are you saying?”

Kageyama shakes. “How am I supposed to know I mean anything to you?”

The sentence kind of just flowed out of em. Hinata doesn’t respond, and there are pricks behind Kageyama’s eyes again. Ey really don’t want to cry in front of Hinata, that would make this even worse, even if they do only feel like tears of frustration. Hinata just stares at em for a second longer before he speaks eir name. Kageyama looks away again.

“What?” 

In the next second a lot of things happen. Small, lean arms wrap around eir torso and a face is no less than smushed into Kageyama’s shirt. Hinata is saying something, but most of the other words are muffled because he’s basically speaking into Kageyama’s chest. Kageyama knows Hinata to be a physical person, but the two of them have never hugged before. It’s weird, Kageyama’s hands have nowhere to go, and ey have no idea what to say. Surprisingly, though, it isn’t unpleasant. 

Ey’re spared speaking when Hinata pulls back and does it for em. “You’re special to me, idiot. Obviously you didn’t stop to think about how I feel, so let me spell it out for you. Kenma and Inuoka and Aone are my friends, but so are you! Maybe you don’t have the best communication skills, but I know that. We all know that. It’s kind of funny, actually.”

Kageyama frowns and tries to retort, but Hinata squeezes em tighter and makes em shut up.

“What I’m trying to say here is that I don’t care! You’re my closest friend too! I like you and I’ll do _this_ as much as I need to to make you believe that if I have to!” He unwraps his arms from around Kageyama and ey would feel disappointed if he didn’t go straight for ey’re hand and grab at it. “Now let’s go back to the gym and show Yachi-san our _real_ gwah! quick!”

It takes a minute, but Kageyama nods. Ey don’t know how it’s possible, but ey feel different. How is it that one simple action from the boy can make em feel so much better? If anything, it should make em feel worse, that he can just hug him and dismiss his jealousy. Not all of, definitely. Somewhere in the back of eir mind there’s a small voice that’s bad-mouthing Hinata for this ability of his, but ey push that away for the time being. That seems like something that’ll take work to get rid of, but for the time being, ey’ll take what ey can get.

Their hands unclasp as they enter the gym only because Hinata goes immediately to his place. He calls to Yachi to watch, but it’s not only her that turns to glue her gaze on the two of them. Kageyama goes to pick up a ball, then walks closer to the net to set up as well. Eir heart beats a little faster. 

Hinata's shoes squeak on their first step toward the net and that signals Kageyama to _go_ ; the ball feels light on the tips of eir fingers and this time ey push up effortlessly, knowing exactly where Hinata will be when the time is right, and a rush of something that feels like adrenaline runs through eir body, and ey revel in it. This is one of the best parts about their friendship, ey realise. This feeling, Kageyama _loves_ it, even if it is short, fleeting, over a second later with the slam of a ball against the ground. The feeling is Kageyama's lifeline because he knows that no matter how inept at making friends, ey are the only one who can bring out Hinata’s full spiker potential. Ey’re the only one Hinata will turn to, beaming with a special smile, after the ball hits the ground on the other side, like he is now. And even though other people are watching, Kageyama smiles back, and the look on Hinata’s face lets em know that this time, it’s not scary.

**Author's Note:**

> one day i'll write s/t other than haikyuu!!


End file.
